What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
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Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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