My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy