okay pat passed out under dana's car
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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