brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas