For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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