that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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