dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
