I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
