she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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