How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My liver just had a heart attack.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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