i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
