yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
