My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
worst night to have a conscience
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
whose parrot is this?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
