how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
