I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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