Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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