the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
