I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
