no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize