fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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