Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
