I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
