I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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