Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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