are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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