you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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