All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
