he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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