i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
