Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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