We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
