and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am midnight drunk by noon
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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