he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
