alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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