So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
