Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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