I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
