last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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