My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
