You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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