what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
