How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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