I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize