well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
