Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize