Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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