Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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