we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
