if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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