Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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