If i come over, it means nothing
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
