it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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