There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
