There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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