Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
