If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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