you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
