Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
