woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
wow bdsm is so cute
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
