Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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