Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
