i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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