Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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