i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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